She is …

Reluctant handshakes,

their too-polite smiles,

carefully measured out , tensed distance between bodies.

She rubbed her skin against their pretensions,

layers of modesty lied scattered on the floor.

Her eyes were too sharp for their liking,

her night sojourns disturbing.

The smell of vodka and cigarette in her breath

penetrated their exclusive dominions.

She had teared away their egotistic skin-

charred yesterdays fell down from her burning tongue.

That’s when they started worshiping her.

Standing beside her-

their reflections revealed

distorted self-images.

In their quivering voice, they chanted

‘she is different from the rest’.

They saw, but refused to believe-

that she had crowded the streets

smiling, strolling, chatting, eating,

screaming, fighting, drinking

singing and dancing in the rain,

she had exploded into a myriad of hues and

had left the mark of her lips

all around.

Quest

‘Your poetry is full of you’

They said.

Don’t they see that

these are my desperate attempts to-

grab hold of the peeling layers

as the self oozes out of my skin?

Or, may be I wasn’t aware that the

doppleganger had set a mirror-house inside.

with grinning reflections and blinding patterns

that played on my nerves.

The same song on rain and love

has been running on loop for days

and I fail to recollect

even a single line from it.

This untamed mind tires me.

It has seen ‘Waste Lands, Confessions and suicide notes’.

and is bent on seeking  those hide-outs-

where shadows mate and the self is dragged out of the womb.

Price tags

We can walk free

as far as the slippery threads let us go.

Their  disgusting invisibility-

has wiped out our shadows.

Their roots crawl out from our feet

The scent of  wicked flowers

emerges from the depth of our lungs.

Fast-growing buds tickle every fold of our intestines.

Days feed on  their mesmerising tales.

Thoughts are liabilities,

and resistance unprofitable,

So, let them shoulder our burdens.

Problems and solutions now come as packages,

at discount rates.

Choices are mandatory,

life is much smoother

we  just have to wake up every morning.

And, when it is too late to walk  back

we come across our lost selves kept for sale,

with tags of  high-end brands.

Unweaving the self

I made a lie out of myself

to stay awake, alive.

Amused by the monologue of broken silence

I laughed , screamed, sighed, wept and

smiled with that blank weary feeling.

Past and future fought furiously and lost

all that remains is this dead day.

I retraced my steps

and returned to where all paths began or ended,

wanting to run away from everything

and still hoping to turn the corner

and find you waiting there.

A dreamer! I took it as a compliment,

they were mocking at me.

It was a coward’s job

and being one was tough

you had to give up all your courage,

be meek and then wait for everything to be blown away

and when that  too doesn’t  happen

just get up and walk back.

Being

Word by word, I stripped myself naked.

The flesh and blood of shameless confessions, desires,

truth, lies, pleasure and pain -

twisted and twirled

in a shabby bundle of memories.

I shed away the worn-out skin

with itchy patches of reality

to unveil the veins coloured with ageing dreams.

And slowly crossed over to the unknown shores,

Took a dip in the deep blue vastness,

washed away a life-time,

and re-emerged with a handful of tender fragrances

that  had always eluded my memory.

As the blue glow gently mended the sore wounds,

I turned back to see a trail of footsteps

that were too strange for my feet.

When the sea was mine

Everyday on my way to school

I traded off  time

for a little chat with the sea.

My pink uniform, flying ribbons and the window-seat.

The speeding, crowded bus was merciless

Most of the days, a fleeting glimpse was all that I could manage .

Yet, the vast blueness saturated my days

the caressing breeze,

silvery touch of the  morning sun,

small boats –  swaying afar or  resting ashore,

and the familiar salty fragrance.

At night, the waves came close to my ears

its their lullaby that put me to sleep.

The sea was mine, and it was a secret-

that I had shared only with the fish.

Back then, I had made friends with them.

It was all a long time ago

now, they no longer recognise me.

Inertia

I duped myself into believing that I am a rebel

fully aware that I had chained myself to a hundred-thousand doubts.

Procrastinations and justifications,

pretentious peace, coward patience,

and silent acceptance.

I spent time relishing in ideas

thinking others’ thoughts

juggling ignited words

angst-ridden conversations

fighting with self

believing and then denying

marching ahead, reclining in the shade,

clinging together and straying away.

The weary silence giggled when I asked myself

“Where have I reached?”

Circumambulation

Walk in circles

up, down, still down.

Raucous; a crowd that does nothing.

It’s a fat-free chocolaty life

topped with an international flavour.

Buy, buy more!

Look your best, pamper your body and stop thinking.

We are force-fed,

mocked at ,

mobbed,

slapped and crushed,

and we feel that-

we are happy,

because that is what everyone else says

and we spend our Sundays in malls.

To reach you

I know,

I could just walk in,  knock at your door

and I would be welcomed warmly.

But, I will take all the roundabout routes,

walk along the strange alleys,

enquire about you to everyone I meet along the way,

yearn to be around you and listen to you,

and yet don’t wish to reach you.

I was in an uneasy slumber, floating around,

and woke up searching for the bit of amber -

that had slipped down from the abandoned past.

Then, you came

glowing, bringing with you the fire that I thought had died down.

It burnt my foot, but I stepped on it  and climbed down.

Now, the light has a different tint-

It disturbs me, inspires me,

destabilizes my thoughts and

makes me feel tender and comfortable.

When you walk away

your presence pervades everything around me.

and helplessly, I continue my journey

along the paths that would take me to you.

To nowhere

When they eluded me for the thousandth time,

I stopped thinking about smiles.

The poor perplexed mind was unwilling to do anything else,

so it started pondering who I am .

A hundered vague answers popped up.

I didn’t know which one to pick up

and thus left the game half-way .

Now what?

I looked up.

The stars tried  in vain  to hide their smiles behind that cosmic darkness-

as they have always been doing.

Oh, I ‘m not offended.

Even this breeze is teasing me with that chilly pat on my face

and the leaves of the shadow tree -

that swayed and swayed for no reasons.

Look, I’m not offended!

The crowded street gave me a broad yellow smile.

I walked past the white grins of the black road

and boarded the bus to some where.

Please don’t ask me to get down.

Let the moving wheels take me wherever they want to

but just keep going…